


Pieces of the Heart

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demons, F/M, Gore, Kidnapping, Loss, Love Lost - Freeform, Secrets, it's angst okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 09:31:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16238873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: You make a call you had hoped you'd never had to make.





	Pieces of the Heart

Your entire body was shivering and tears were streaming down your cheeks as you read the note over and over again. This couldn’t be happening. You were out. You had been out of the life for six years now. You hadn’t seen him for six years. No one knew about your secret, not even him. How could they? How had they even found you? You had always been so careful,.You had warded. You had hidden from evil. From him.

Your chest clenched, and it got harder and harder to breath. You gasped for breath as you pictured the last time you had seen him. The last time you had felt his touch. You had missed him all of this time, but you had never needed him more than you did in that moment.

_You felt his eyes on you as you packed your bags. He didn’t say anything. You were both talked and yelled out. There was nothing you could do to change his mind, and there was nothing you wanted more in this world than to have a child._

_He wouldn’t give you that. So you knew you had to live before you started resenting him for it, and he let you. He wanted you to be happy. You knew that. His fears blocked him from allowing himself to be the same, and a small part of you hated him for that. You didn’t want to be happy without him, but this was the only way._

_Before you could walk out the door, he had grabbed your arm and pulled you into a tight embrace._

_“Take care of yourself, Y/N,” he spoke into your hair as he pressed his lips against the side of your head, making you lean into his touch._

_You pulled away a little so you could look up into his beautiful guilt-ridden green eyes one last time. “I love you, Dean.”_

_He didn’t reply. He just kissed you with so much emotion it almost made you cry. So much emotion you could barely pull away, but you did. You did, and you walked out the door, out of the bunker, and out of his life for good._

You gasped in a lungful of air and fell to your knees. The fear and panic of this moment combined with your memory of Dean overwhelmed you. Your body crumbled beneath your as you remembered the night you had found out. The night you had know you could never see him again, yet still yearning for him. A yearning that had never gone away. It had faded, but never left. Not completely.

_You were lying on the motel bed. Wearing his shirt. Staring at your phone. Wishing he would call. Tears streamed down your face and into your hair as you replayed your last moment together in your head, over and over again. The last time he had held you. The last time he had kissed you. The last time you would ever see him again._

_You hand slowly drifted beneath your shirt, and your heart shattered. The one thing you had wanted more than anything, he had given you. The one thing you wanted more than anything but couldn’t have._

_You had no doubt in your mind he would be outside your motel room door mere hours after your call. If you only called him, he would drop everything to be by your side. Your child would have it’s father, but that had not been what Dean had wanted. This had been an accident. A slip up amongst your fighting and the hunting, not something you had planned, but how could he believe that?_

_Even if he did this was for the better. You both had what you wanted now. Dean was on his own, hunting with his brother. You, you would have his child. You would love your child, and you would make sure it knew it’s father was a hero. A man who sacrificed everything to keep the world safe, and you would keep your baby safe. No more hunting. That part of your life was behind you. You were to become a mom._

For six years that had been your life. For 5 years you had been the proud mother of a beautiful, green-eyed, brave, kind little boy and now, now you were laying on your kitchen floor. Your house was a mess. Sulfur was everywhere, and your son was long gone. All you had left was the note that you had found forced through the window of his favourite toy. A little black 67 Chevy Impala. The car you had told him his dad used to drive.

Slowly, you picked yourself up off the floor and began getting your breathing under control. Slowly, you began to realize you had no choice. No matter how painful it would be. No matter if it was a trap. No matter if it was exactly what they wanted, you had no choice. The note fell from your hand to the floor as you walked across the living room to get your phone. Calling the one number you knew would still be active. The number he had slide into your bag as he hugged you goodbye. Your lifeline in case of emergency.

As you pressed the number  you had memorized by heart into your phone, your eyes fell on the note on the floor. You couldn’t read it from here, but you didn’t have to. Much like the number’s to Dean’s batphone, those were letters you would never forget.

Logan Y/L/N for Dean Winchester. Bring him to us. Dead or Alive.

“Hello?” Dean’s deep voice sounded through the speaker. Instantly the numbness disappeared, and your chest clenched again. You struggled for breath as you felt. The tears you were sure had dried up streamed down your face yet again as his voice sounded once more.

“Hello, who is this?”

“Dean.” Your voice came out as a gasp, and you heard the phone go silent for a few seconds before he spoke again.

“Y/N? Is that you? Are you okay?” He sounded so worried, so burdened, and you hated yourself even more as the words that fell from your mouth. You had no idea how else to say it right in that moment. How to ease him into it. So you just cried out the words that had been ringing through your head ever since you had seen the note.

“Dean they took Logan. They have our son.”  

***

Dean saw Sam’s worried glances out of the corner of his eye as he drove, his foot pressed to the pedal as hard as he could. Dean heard his sighs, but he chose to ignore him as he made the Impala race through the night. Dean clenched his jaw. His eyes were laser focused on the road, but his mind was with her. The woman he had… he still loved. The woman he thought he would never see again. The woman he had wanted to call a million times over the past 6 years. The woman that had called him up tonight, her voice thick with grief as she spoke the words that kept ringing in his years.

“Dean, they have our son.”

He had a son. He a five year old boy, and he had never known. He had pushed her away and refused her the one thing that would make her happy, because he wanted her to be safe. Because he hadn’t wanted to put someone else in danger. He hadn’t wanted a kid to grow up the way he did.

His words had kept her from turning to him when she had found out she was pregnant. They had kept him from knowing his son. It was a decision Dean wasn’t sure what he felt about. Had it kept them safe, had he been none the wiser, then it would have been the right call. But they weren’t. Someone had found out before him. He should have looked for her a long time ago. Made sure that she was safe, and if he had he would have known.

He didn’t blame her for any of this. He blamed himself. He blamed himself for her having to move around, for having put the weight on her to keep their boy safe on her own. He blamed himself for Logan now being in the hands of demons.

Logan. Dean repeated the name over and over in his head. He knew it had been her brother’s name. Her brother that had gotten killed and the reason her parents had turned to hunting. The reason she had met Dean in the first place.

Dean clenched the steering wheel tighter as he pushed his foot down on the pedal even harder, making the Impala sprint through the rain towards her house. There was no way he was going to let her loose her son. Their son. He had failed to keep them safe. He wasn’t going to fail in saving him, even if it killed him. Dean knew he was driving into a trap, and he didn’t care. All he cared about was the woman he had never stopped loving and the son he had never met.  

***

Dean watched her pace back and forth in her living room. He observed the broken furniture and the broken glass in her picture frames. The pictures showed the life she had lived the past 6 years without him. Smiling, happy pictures of her and her son. His first birthday, his first steps, his first day of school.

Dean felt the pit in his stomach grow, knowing he should have been there but realizing how happy they had been without him. Dean not being in her life had been for the best, but he should have looked after her. He should have known about Logan. He should have kept them safe.

“What is taking Sam so long?” She didn’t look at Dean as she spoke. She just kept wringing her hands, and Dean could see that she was struggling, but he had no idea how to even begin to calm her mind.

“He has barely been gone for 2 hours Y/N. I get it, but Sam knows what he is doing.” Dean spoke calmly knowing her well. Knowing just about anything could set her off right about now and he wasn’t wrong.

She spun around to face him, hissing at him. “Why are you here Dean? Why are you not out looking for him? Why won’t you let me out that door? I am a hunter just like you.”

Dean got off the couch, grabbing her by the arms and holding her still. “You haven’t hunted for years Y/N. You are rusty. Logan is going to need his mom when all this is over. I am here because…”

Dean stopped and looked away. He loved her just like he always had, and he always would. Still, he couldn’t lay that on her. Not now. Her hands found their way to his face, and he closed his eyes, fighting back tears. This was all on him. All the years he had lost with her. His son not knowing his father. It was all on him, but it was all going to change now. He was never going to let the go again. He would get Logan back to her and he would keep them safe.

“Because what Dean? I need him back. I can’t… I can’t live without him.” Her voice was thick with sorrow and Dean’s eyes shut open and he pulled her close against his chest. Her arms went around his neck and he held her as he spoke.

“I’ll get him home Y/N. I promise. But I need to know that you are safe. I can’t do what I need to do and worry about you at the same time. I…” Dean stopped, pulling her even closer against him Feeling her like this, her soft warm body pressed against his again after all those years made his heart race. He had been an idiot and he had lost her. He wished he could take it all back, that he could have the years they lost back, but he couldn’t. What he could do was promise her he would never leave her again. He could tell her how he felt. Despite him never said those three words to anyone. Hell, he had barely ever said them to her back when she was in his life, but now they flew freely from his mouth. Still as true as they ever were. “Ilove you, sweetheart. I can’t lose you. Not again. Not like that.”

She looked up at him, and Dean’s heart stopped. Her eyes were glassy yet so filled with love that his heart skipped a beat. He never thought she would look at him like this again. Hell, he had never thought he would even see her again much less get to hold her. He wished circumstances were different, but he couldn’t stop her. He let her stand on her tiptoes and press her lips against his.

“I love you too, Dean,” she whispered against his lips, and he lost it. He kissed her back with all the love and passion he could muster, letting her know how true his words had been. How much he had missed her over the past 6 years. How much he still wanted her.

They were both out of breath when they finally broke their kiss, but Dean didn’t let her go. He clung to her, just like she clung to him as he promised her over and over that he would get Logan back to her. That he would keep them safe, and that he was never letting go of either of them again.

They were still holding each other when Sam returned, letting them now he had found the lair. Dean collected his weapons and his jacket and headed for the door, but before he could walk leave, he pulled her back against his chest, kissing her and promising her again he would be back. That he was bringing their son home to her.

She nodded, but Dean saw her tears. He saw his fear as he left, and he felt it. He knew he and Sam were walking into a trap. He knew there was a possibility he had just lied to her. He knew there was a chance he was not coming back to her, but Sam would. Sam would bring Logan back to her. He would keep his son and Y/N safe if he couldn’t.    

***

The warehouse was dark and deserted, lights shining in  the upstairs windows. Dean had a bad feeling about this place. It was big. Too big for two people to cover and keep each other in sight. Still, he knew they had no choice. If Logan was in there, if his son was in there, they had to go in. They had to get him no matter if the demons knew they were coming or not. No matter if this was a trap.

Dean and Sam took out the 3 demons outside without much trouble, quietly and efficiently working in tandem like always. Dean signaled to Sam to go around back as he headed through the front door. He didn’t like splitting up, but he saw little other options. They had to move fast before anyone noticed they were there.

Dean could practically hear his own heart beating as he made it through the halls of the warehouse. He had done this a million times before. Going into places like this, guns blazing and unsure of what lay ahead. It wasn’t his own life he feared for. It was the kid’s. He saw the little blonde-haired, green-eyed boy smiling at him from the picture on Y/N’s mantel as he killed the first demon he encountered. He didn’t make a noise. Not even when he plunged the angle blade into the heart of the second, before reaching the stairs.

He walked up a flight higher than where he knew the lights had come from. He wanted an overlook of the situation. He wanted to see Logan, make sure he was safe before going in. He didn’t see his son anywhere, but he heard him. His heart broke into a million pieces as he heard the boy’s cries. The fear in his voice clear as he screamed out for his mom. Dean’s heart shattered into pieces with each scream, and it took all his willpower not to throw caution to the wind. Not to jump down into the room and sprint for the boy.  

What Dean did see though, was not something he had prepared for., two demons dragging Sam into the room from the back and throwing him across the floor to land in front of the demon that appeared to be their leader.  

Dean felt the panic rise in his chest as he saw the demon’s surrounding his brother. When the leader sent Sam flying through the room, pinning him against the wall, Dean reacted out of pure instinct. He couldn’t let Sam get hurt over his mistake. This was his fight not Sam’s.

His feet began moving before his mind even registered that he was taking action. Slowly, he moved through the cross beams and rafters to get to the far side of the room before dropping down behind one of the demons that held his brother.

He cut it’s throat before it had time to react, and Dean turned to face the leader. His face contorted in rage and hatred for the thing that had threatened his family. Before Dean could move, the demon disappeared from the room, and Sam fell to the ground.

“GO!” Sam’s voice sounded through the room as he sprang into action tackling the last remaining demon to the floor. Dean hesitated for a second before taking off, running towards the room where he had heard Logan’s cries erupted from and praying with everything he had to whoever was listening that he wouldn’t be too late.

Dean kicked the door in, making it ram through the wall behind him, and the demon twirled around, pulling the crying kid in front of him.

Dean felt his blood boil as he faced the thing that had threatened to take his family from him. He didn’t think when he spoke, venom filling his voice.

“Let the kid go, and I’ll make it quick.” Dean twirled the angel blade in his hand before raising it and taking a step forward. His heart almost stopped when he saw the smile cross the demon’s face and it’s hand flick, sending his son flying through the room.

Dean’s blood froze to ice in his veins as the little boy’s head smashed against the wall, making a stomach turning crack sound through the room. He couldn’t move. He stood nailed to the spot, his eyes resting on the little boy and the blood that covered his blood hair.

“Dean!” Sam’s voice sounded from behind him, and Dean came too, sprinting across the room and falling to his knees before sliding to his son’s side. He no longer caring about the demon. He only cared about his son. Dean barely registered the demon trying to smoke out or Sam trapping it with a reverse exorcism and killing it. All he could see was his little boy lying motionless on the floor in front of him.

Dean pulled him into his arms. His hand flew to the wound on his head, pulling it way to find it red with blood. Dean felt the panic rise within him as he slowly realized there was nothing he could do.

“Dad?” The little boy’s eyes found his ,and Dean’s filled with tears as he nodded.

“Yeah. It’s me. You’re gonna be okay kiddo. Just hang in there. We’re getting you home to your mom. Okay? You’re going home.” Dean knew he was lying even as he spoke, but he tried to offer him some sense of comfort. Dean fought to hold back his tears. He couldn’t let the boy see his fear and grief. He wanted him to know he was safe. That he was loved. Dean did the only thing he could think of. He held the boy’s small form close to his chest as the life slipped from his tiny body.

“Mom said you were a hero. I knew you would come…” His son’s eyes fluttered close and Dean’s world shattered into a million pieces.

“No. No no no no no. Please wake up.” Dean shook the little boy, knowing it wouldn’t work. He was gone.

“Noooooooooooo,” Dean screamed out into the room before burying his face in his neck, crying against his lifeless body. holding him close, clinging to him. He tried to will him back to life, but it was no use. Logan laid dead in his father’s arms.   

***

Dean was numb. Numb, as he picked Logan up off the backseat. Numb as he carried the little boy… his little boy towards his mom’s house. Her screams pierced through his shell, and he fell to his knees along with her, lowering the lifeless little boy down between them. Tears streamed down his face as he watched Y/N scream for her son. She barely touched him, her hands wandering across his face and chest so tenderly and in great contrast to her cries of his name. She touched him as if she was trying to will him back to life, but her screams showed the truth. She knew that he was gone.

Dean watched her, knowing this was his fault. Knowing he should have saved him. Knowing it should have been him lying on the ground before her as she held her living, breathing son in her arms.

Dean opened his mouth. He wanted to apologize, but he didn’t know what to say. He had no idea how to make this better. The demons had wanted him, and now the son he hadn’t had a chance to know, their son, he had robbed himself of being a father too.  Robbed of the son he had been robbed of ever knowing his dad was dead.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry…” Dean began, but he stopped as soon as she looked up at him. He had never seen her look like this before. With hate in her eyes. She launched forward. Her fists beating against his chest. Her screams echoing through his ears as he let her hit him.

“You promised me you would get him back. You promised me he would be okay. They wanted you. This is all your fault. My son is dead because of you.”

Dean felt the tears stream down his cheeks, but he didn’t stop her. He let her punch him as hard as she could. He let her scream all the things at him he already knew.

“You should be dead. Not him.” Her words tore his heart to pieces. He knew it should have been him, not his son. Still, hearing her say that broke him.

Dean got to his feet, barely registering Sam had pulled her off him. He felt the numbness come back as he watched the scene before him. The blond little boy lifeless and cold. Y/N screaming out her pain as Sam held her. Rocking her, trying to calm her down.

Dean knew what he had to do. He knew it should have been him, and it would be. He closed his eyes. Opening them, he took one last look at his family. His little boy he couldn’t save. The woman who now hated him. His brother he had given his life to protect.

“Y/N, I’ll get him back. I’m so sorry, but I’ll get him back.” Dean promised before spinning around and running back to his car. He made the Impala’s tires squeal as he took off. He saw them in his rearview mirror. Her on her knees holding their son against her chest, staring after the car. Sam was on his feet chasing him, calling out his name, but Dean didn’t stop. He couldn’t. He was supposed to be dead, not his son. He was going to make things right. 


End file.
